


To All The Ones I've Loved Before

by Ghosting_Around



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Bonding, Chloe is Jeremy's little sister, Christine and Jeremy are bffs, Crushes, F/M, Fake Dating, Fluff, Hot Tub, Hurt/Comfort, I have series I could be working on, Jealousy, Jenna's very gay, M/M, Making Out, Mutual Pining, Pining, Rich is kind of a bitch, To All The Boys I've Loved Before AU, Trans Jeremy Heere, a bit of angst, anyway, hey that rhymed, i know Evan/Brooke is weird but just pretend it works, it was gonna happen eventually, longer than I thought it would be, this took up too much of my time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-19
Updated: 2018-09-19
Packaged: 2019-07-14 06:00:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16034447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ghosting_Around/pseuds/Ghosting_Around
Summary: "What if we let people think we were actually together?"





	To All The Ones I've Loved Before

The chandelier shimmers as Jeremy makes his way to the beautiful girl across the ballroom court. He smiles as she tilts her head to the side and walks to him as well. Her hand brushes her golden hair from her face as she walks a little faster. Jeremy moves faster too, and he knows this is destiny as they connect their--

BANG! BANG! BANG!

“Are you coming or not? I can’t survive dad’s cooking alone!” Jeremy turns to Chloe in his doorway, then sighs. 

“Let me finish this chapter, I’ll be down in a second.” Evan comes walking behind Chloe.

“What are you gonna count me out? Or am I non-existent? C’mon, he’s almost done.” Jeremy finishes the last sentence of the paragraph and follows them down the stairs. Chloe, his little sister, won’t stop complaining. 

“I hate when dad tries to make Gazpacho. It tastes like butt.” Chloe pulls on Evan’s arm but Evan just rolls his eyes. 

He says to Chloe, “just say, ‘mmmh, tasts just like mom’s’ then fake it til you make it.”

The front door opens and Brooke walks in. She smiles at Evan and gives him a long kiss where Evan pulls away first. Jeremy sits down on the second step and hugs the railing, letting his eyes wonder onto Brooke and her pretty face. She smiles and turns around when she sees him and gives him a warm hug. Jeremy lingers but lets go as soon as she does. 

Brooke has been with Evan for the last 2 years. But before that, she was Jeremy’s girlfriend. Well space between the words. First girl who was a friend. Next door neighbor to be more specific. They could just talk about everything, like the weird stuff and the awkward stuff and the personal stuff. Brooke helped him get clothes that suited him and his true gender when he came out to her. 

When Evan and Brooke started dating, they were still friends, but things were always a bit different. They didn’t want Jeremy to feel left out, so they invited him everywhere. Even on dates. They tried to make it normal, but, he still felt like a 3rd wheel.

He follows them into the kitchen and sighs at the mess of a soup his dad has made. He snickers at Evan sneakily changing the stovetop temperature and adding in some spices. 

They sit down for dinner as Jeremy’s dad talks with Brooke about her parents and if they finally got their boat sold. The food tastes awful, but Jeremy swallows it down and decides to focus on Brooke’s face instead. 

Chloe brings up Evan leaving tomorrow for school in Tokyo. Jeremy feels a little sad about him leaving, but he’s glad that Evan got this opportunity. 

Brooke actually stops the conversation and pulls out a little envelop and hands it to Evan. “I thought, why wait until winter to see you?” Evan pulls out plane tickets to Tokyo. His face falls and asks Brooke if she already bought them. Jeremy’s stomach drops in realization. He’s breaking up with her. 

Later that night he watches them argue from his bedroom window. It kills Jeremy to see such a perfect couple go out this way. Jeremy closes the curtains and stares at the floor. He never wanted to steal Brooke from Evan, he could never do that, but, he did fantasize about it. Always in his thoughts. But...he did physically put it down on a letter, when he was 13. He poured his heart into that letter and put it away in a box that he kept at the top of his closet. 

He walks to his closet and stands on his tip toes to pull down the pretty green box. He runs his hands over the velvet before sitting on the floor next to his bed and opening it. 5 letters are inside.

Jeremy’s letters are his most secret and private possession. There are 5 in total. Alex from camp. Michael from 7th grade. Jenna from homecoming. Dustin from model UN. And Brooke. 

He writes a letter when he has a crush so intense he doesn’t know what to do. Rereading his letters remind him of how powerful and beautiful his emotions can be. Sure, Chloe and Evan would say he’s dramatic, but, what’s wrong with a little harmless drama?

“What are you doing?”

Jeremy hides his letters back in the green velvet box while saying, “nothing” and shoves it under some clothes. 

Evan walks in and says, “you’re room’s a mess.” Then lays down on Jeremy’s bed. Jeremy gets up and sits next to him. 

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah.”

“Really?”

“...before mom died and after she left, she called me and said I should never go to college with a girlfriend. I think I did the right thing. Do you think I did the right thing?”

Jeremy ponders it while rubbing Evan’s shoulder. “Do you love her?”

“Yeah.”

Jeremy swallows, “then I don’t know.”

Evan looks around the room. “You should donate some stuff to Goodwill tomorrow, this place looks horrible.” Jeremy sticks his tongue out at him.

***

Evan says, if something is no longer useful, you should donate it, recycle it, or throw it away. 

Jeremy didn’t know you could do that to a person.

Mr.Heere and his children walk out the front door. Evan has a bright smile and doesn’t acknowledge Brooke standing outside her front door. Jeremy looks at her and wishes things were different. 

The airport is tight and crowded. But they get a corner to give proper goodbye hugs. Jeremy’s the last one to hug Evan. 

Evan says, “promise me, you’ll at least try to make more friends. Be better than me.”

Jeremy bites his lip, “why did you have to choose the farthest city possible for college?” Mr.Heere and Chloe go to get Evan magazines as the conversation continues. 

“I need to sit with someone at lunch. And I don’t want to make new friends.” 

Evan shakes his head, “it’s two and two hermano. Trust me, you won’t regret anything you try.”

“You know that I will.”

They hug one more time before Evan leaves. And Jeremy walks out of the airport with a hole in his heart.

***

Jeremy smiles smally as his dad takes a picture for the first day of school. Chloe squeals, “cheese!” then runs inside before Jeremy gets in his car. She comes back with a bike helmet on, and Jeremy grumbles, “I’m not that bad at driving.”

“We both know that’s a lie.”

***

Jeremy keeps his head down in the halls, and hopes he doesn’t walk into anybo-

He goes flying to the ground as Rich Goranski turns from his locker. His face is pissed, “excuse you.”

“Sorry Rich.” 

Rich. Richard. Jeremy’s best friend in middle school, but in high school due to his popularity and Jeremy’s lack there of, they are decidedly not.

“Oh, it’s you.” Rich glances down at Jeremy’s netted tights underneath his jean shorts. “Like your tights,” Jeremy smiles a little bit, “you’re performance at the ballet was amazing.” 

Jeremy rolls his eyes, “got them on Etsy.” Why did he say that?

“They look amazing. Especially on Jeremy Heere. Not everyone can pull them off.” 

Christine Canigula comes to stand next to Jeremy with pride, and Jeremy feels so grateful to have her as a friend. She looks at Rich, “and hate to break it to you and your ugly basketball shorts, but I think you’re too short for the team.”

Here’s another thing: Christine, local theatre, goth geek with the best style in the world and a super cute black hat she never takes off is Jeremy’s actual best friend. She also happens to be Rich’s cousin. 

“You know what Chrissy, screw you because you know I hate wearing pants when it’s warm.”

Michael Mell comes up behind Rich and wraps his arms around Rich’s neck. Rich makes a little surprised sound and says, “hey babe!” before kissing him on the cheek.

Remember Michael? The second non-recipient of one of Jeremy’s love letters? That’s this Michael. Rich’s, Michael.

_7th grade. Party. Boy-Girl party. Jeremy was the former gender at the time. Spin the bottle was decided as the midnight game. Everyone knew that Michael and Rich, who was still his best friend at the time, only wanted to kiss each other._

_“I can spin it again.” the bottle had just landed on Michael._

_Michael shrugs, “you can’t cheat the bottle.” Rich’s face is outraged as they crawl across the circle and give each other a peck on the lips._

Rich smirks as he holds onto Michael’s broad arms, “I was just complimenting Jeremy on his tights and his ballet show last night.” Chris rests her elbow on Jeremy’s shoulder to look tougher, which is kind of ridiculous because she’s a full foot shorter than Jeremy, but he’s grateful for the support. “C’mon Mikey, there’s some people we need to say hi to.”

Michael sputters as he walks away and says, “sorry. He just stopped drinking caffeine, so he’s like, emotional.” he looks so awkward, it’s kinda cute -- scratch that, really cute.

Jeremy smiles and says, “you sure it’s not a chemical imbalance?”

Michael looks confused as he quietly says, “right,” then walks away.

Jeremy turns to Christine, “you really think my tights look amazing?” Christine pulls him to their next class.

“If you ask it ruins the whole vibe. Be chill. Plus, you think I’m gonna let my cousin talk trash about you?”

***

Jeremy is in the cafeteria, looking for Chris as he nervously shifts the weight on his feet. He sees Michael and Rich sitting at a table full of popular kids. Rich is leaning against Michael with his hand on Michael’s thigh while he talks to Jake, Michael’s friend.

Jeremy looks away and texts Christine.

Me: where r u?

CHRISSYY: had a subway craving!!!!

Jeremy puts his phone away and walks to the library. He sits down and pulls out his carrots and a book. He bites into the carrot, making a loud sound in the library. A bunch of people look at him and one girl points to a sign that says ONLY SOFT FOODS. And a picture of a crossed out carrot. He picks up his stuff and says a quiet sorry as he heads to the bleachers outside. 

Jeremy sees Brooke and nervously approaches her. “Can I sit?” she nods and Jeremy carefully places his butt down and crosses his legs.

Brooke turns to him, “can I just ask. Did you know he was gonna do it? I mean, I know you guys shared everything, so…”

Jeremy shakes his head, “not this.”

Brooke nods, “we’re still cool, right? Like, we’re still friends and can, ya know, kick it?”

“Please don’t ever say ‘kick it’ again, but, yeah. We’re cool. Want a carrot?”

Brooke gladly takes a carrot and offers him her earbud, “new album,” and they listen for the rest of lunch while reading their respective books. 

Now, Jeremy knows what you’re thinking, but Brooke and him really are cool. Plus, he would never do that to Evan. 

***

Chloe excitedly says while walking to Jeremy’s car, “the middle school cafeteria is so ginormous. Allison wanted to sit with me at lunch, but so did Briana and so did Katy. So I ended up rotating so everyone had time to sit next to me. You know?” 

Jeremy’s eyes go wide as he looks at the ground, “yeah, I can totally relate.”

They get in the car and Chloe puts on her bike helmet. “Really Chloe?”

Chloe looks at him like it’s obvious, “of course.”

Jeremy puts the keys in an starts backing up, only to hear someone behind the car and slams on the breaks. He looks at the mirror and sees none other than Michael Mell looking shocked. Jeremy curses under his breath.

Chloe cracks up, “good thing I’m wearing my helmet.”

Michael walks around to the front door and knocks on the window. Jeremy rolls it down and doesn’t look at Michael’s arm that’s right in front of his face. Michael smiles and says, “hi.”

“Hi.”

“How are you?”

“Good. Good.”

“Good. um, you know that most people look behind them before they reverse. You know, to avoid killing others, it’s a thing…”

Jeremy nods, “yeah, I’m just not completely comfortable with using my mirrors yet, so…”

“Yeah, clearly. Are you gonna be able to get out of the parking lot?”

Jeremy nervously and vigorously shakes his head, “yeah, we’ll be fine so, you should uh, leave.”

Michael smiles with bright teeth, “got it.” he points at Chloe, “you are in charge.”

Chloe smirks at Jeremy as he sticks his tongue out at her. Jeremy gives himself one last glance at Michael before shutting the window and casting his eyes down.

“Who was that?” 

“That was Michael Mell.”

There’s a few more beats of silence before Chloe asks, “what are we waiting for?”

“For all the cars to leave.”

Chloe throws her hands up and grumbles.

***

Jeremy lays on the couch with Chloe on the other side in front of the TV blaring Gilmore Girls. 

“What do you think Evan’s doing?”

Chloe shrugs, “crack.”

“Yeah right. He once went off on a kid smoking at school. You really think he’s gonna do crack?”

Chloe shifts on the couch, “it’s weird not having him around. It’s weird not having Brooke around too.” Jeremy doesn’t say anything to that. 

Chloe pokes Jeremy with her toe, “you know, if you had a boyfriend or girlfriend you wouldn’t have to drive to school and they could drive us every day.”

Jeremy doesn’t look at her as he says, “if that’s what it takes then I think you’re stuck with me. You could always take the bus.” Chloe moves so that her body is stretched over Jeremy’s legs and places her head on his stomach.

“I don’t know, what about the guy you almost killed the other day?”

Jeremy shakes his head, “he’s dating Rich.”

“So?” Jeremy raises an eyebrow and Chloe’s face becomes a little more serious.

“It’s not just that…don’t you think it’s a little sad that it’s a Saturday night and you’re having a Gilmore Girls marathon with your little sister?”

Jeremy shakes his head, “no, I love Gilmore Girls and I love hanging out with you.” 

He reaches down and tickles her, causing her to giggle. “Ok, Jerry, I’m not telling you this to make you feel bad. But I’m 11, and I cancelled plans to be with you. And you’re 16, and I don’t think you had anything else going on. Am I right?”

She’s right, and Jeremy knows it, but decides to say, “that is way harsh Chlo.”

“The truth hurts honey.”

***

Later when Jeremy is sound asleep, Chloe goes into Jeremy’s room to sneak around for candy or any dirty secrets.

She doesn’t find much until she spots a green velvet box on the top shelf of his closet. She gets it down, and opens it to see a bunch of letters.

***

A few days later Jeremy and Christine are at the back of the pack in gym. It's the fitness run, but as long as you run at least one lap then you get a 100, so they don’t really try. Christine asks, “what’d you do last night?”

“Finished another book. It was so good.” He’s breathing really heavily. 

“Another bodice ripper you little perve?”

“I enjoy them for their camp!”

Christine chuckles and says,“don’t worry dude, no judgement here.”

“Hey! Can I talk to you?”

Jeremy turns around and sees, once again, Michael Mell behind him. He slows down to a walk them stops and leans over, trying to catch his breath. “Me?”

“Yeah.”

Christine looks back at him, then smiles and says, “hey! M&M, I heard my cousin dumped you for a college student. Is that true?”

Jeremy stands up straight, then looks at Michael glancing around. He feels bad for Michael, he really does, and he’s also a bit pissed at Rich for breaking this cute boys heart.

Michael avoids the question by asking, “I heard you have a tail Chris, is that true?”

“Yep. Small, pink really cute.”

Michael glances at Jeremy then says to Christine, “I need to talk to Jeremy.” She doesn’t move, “alone.”

Christine nods then walks away while saying, “If you need me,” she pants again, “I’ll be in the nurse’s office with a migrane, and googling pictures of Ben Platt shirtless.” And then she’s gone.

Michael turns to Jeremy, “hey I just wanted to say that I appreciate it, but, it’s never gonna happen.”

Jeremy scrunches his eyebrows, “what?”

“Ok from what I remember that kiss was hot, you know, for being in 7th grade. And I think it’s really cool you think I have golden specks in my eyes.”

Jeremy’s eyes cast downward and his eyes meet something in Michael’s hand. 

It’s a letter.

Jeremy’s letter.

Jeremy’s love letter.

To Michael.

Something catches in Jeremy’s throat and the world starts to spin. He can’t hear what Michael’s saying, and maybe it’s the heat over his overactive imagination, but he thinks he’s back in the dark room with Michael leaning in to his face. He looks really cute and his lips are really soft and-

“Wake up!”

Jeremy’s eyes open wide, and the first thing he sees is Michael Mell’s pretty face. He must be on the ground.

“Are you ok?”

“What happened?”

Michael gestures to his body, “you fainted.”

“Oh, ok.”

Michael helps him up and asks if he needs any water or anything, but Jeremy says he’s fine. 

Then he looks up and sees Brooke making her way down the hill to him. She’s got her love letter. Jesus Christ. Jeremy glances at MIchael and decides in a fraction of a second what to do.

He grabs Michael’s neck and turns him onto the track, then kisses him. Michael makes a sound of surprise, but doesn’t fight back. 

Sure enough, Brooke stops in her tracks and stares at Jeremy kissing Michael.

A whistle goes off and the coach shouts, “hey! Het! Quit it!” Jeremy pulls away and just looks at Michael’s flabbergasted face, “that’s two more laps Heere!” 

Jeremy gets up quickly and pipes out, “thanks!” Then he sprints away as fast as he possibly can. He ignores Brooke as she calls out his name.

***

Jeremy sprints and hides in the bathroom. He locks himself on the door and sits down on the toilet. He puts his face in his hands and lets out a long sigh. The door to the bathroom opens and a voice calls out, “Jeremy, are you in here?” 

“No.” Is Jeremy’s brilliant response. 

Another one of Jeremy’s love letter slides under the stall. It’s addressed to the one and only, Jenna Rolan. 

_Jeremy walks to the photo booth and sits next to Jenna. She’s on her phone and looks bored. When he sits down she eagerly puts her phone away and smiles at him._

_Jeremy says, “I like your dress, it bring out your pink highlights.”_

_She touches her hair and says, “no one’s made a comment about my hair. Thank you. I love your hair too, very fluffy. Can I touch?” Jeremy nods and she touches his hair._

_“My sister did it. She’s good at that kind of stuff.”_

_Jenna retracts her finger and they sit together for a bit before Jeremy asks, “do you wanna dance?”_

_Jenna jumps up and says, “Oh my god. I never thought you’d ask!” She grabs his hand and pulls him through the crowd of students, spinning him and moving her hips like no one’s watching. Jeremy decides to do the same, and it ended up being of of the most fun nights of his life._

“Look, I didn’t mean to barge in on you, but I saw you come in and I wanted to make sure that you’re ok. And uh, I thought that you might want that back, it’s a little personal.”

Jeremy tucks away the letter into his backpack and says, “Jenna, please know that I wrote this years ago.”

She chuckles, “freshman homecoming right?”

Jeremy walks out of the stall and takes a deep breath before turning to Jenna. She steps closer to him and smiles, “I had a lot of fun that night too, but I feel like I should tell you. You know I’m gay right?”

Jeremy did not know that.

“Yes, of course, of course I know that.” 

Jenna says,”but please just don’t tell anyone. I mean, I’m out, and I’m not ashamed, I mean, my mom knows, and my dad, sort of knows. I know that you get it, especially you, It’s just…” she wiggles her fingers. 

Jeremy says at the same time as her, “high school.” Jeremy smiles at her.

“It’s ok to be gay if you’re popular, but I guess no one else has the right.” Jeremy nods along.

***

When Jeremy gets home he sprints to his room and tears it apart, not finding the box. 

Jeremy races down the stairs and asks his dad loudly, “have you see a green round velvet box?”

Mr.Heere raises an eyebrow and says, “wow, no ‘hi dad,’ no ‘why are you home early?’ Oh maybe because you’re patient delivered in under 6 hours and and you brought a new life into the world and you’re home to make-”

Jeremy cuts him off, “I really need to know where my velvet box thing is, ok? It’s very important to me, mom gave it to me before-”

“Hey! I’m not sure, maybe it went out with the goodwill boxes?”

Jeremy’s eyes go wide. He put his box underneath his clothes. No, no, no this can’t be real.

“Hey some mail came to you today.” Jeremy’s eyes go wide as he sees yet another love letter on the counter. He grabs it and runs upstairs. To got out his anger Jeremy yells, “this is all your fault! I hate everybody!”

“What’s his problem?” 

Chloe sits on the couch, guiltily looking at her homework, knowing full well that she’s the reason her brother’s so upset. “Moon day?”

Mr.Heere makes a tsk sound, “menstruation is science, not based off the lunar cycle. Maybe you shouldn’t bring that up around him though.”

“Got it dad.”

***

Upstairs Jeremy is vigorously pacing the room, kicking stray piece of clothes and his romance novels out of his way. 

Ok, the letters are out. Silver lining, Kenny’s letter was addressed to camp bunks so he’ll never find out how hard he was crushing after chubby bunny. He turns around and isn’t surprised when he sees an imaginary Brooke sitting on his aesthetically pleasing chair that hangs from the ceiling. She says in his mind, “you need to chill out.”

Jeremy sits down on the edge of his bed, chewing on his fingernail when Brooke says, “I know you love me.” 

Jeremy looks straight at her and says, “Loved, past tense. You’re Evan’s.”

Suddenly Brooke is behind him and reading the love letter. “Dear Brooke, I like to lay awake at night and dream of laying down and looking at the stars with you, you’re beautiful eyes would outshine them but-”

“Shut up!” Imaginary Brooke disappears. He walks to the window and sees real Brooke walking out of her house. “You’re not real.”

Imaginary Brooke says, “I’m more real to you than she is.”

“What are you doing?” 

Jeremy turns around to see a confused Chloe in his doorway, so he awkwardly tries to find a ‘natural’ decision and says, “nothing.”

The doorbell rings and Jeremy’s dad yells, “Jeremy! Brooke is here!”

He quickly tells Chloe, “you never saw me,” and proceeds to climb out the window and fall to the ground. He rides his bike the the Corner Cafe and orders a Diet Coke. He angrily opens the straw rapper and downs half of the drink in a second.

“Hey Heere.”

Jeremy turns and almost chokes when he sees -- for the 4th time this week -- Michael Mell.

He orders a chocolate milkshake and Jeremy asks without making eye contact, “what’re you doing here?”

Michael laughs, and it sounds just as nervous as Jeremy’s voice, “just here to take down one of those shakes.”

Jeremy says, “cool,” then turns away, hoping that he won’t talk to him again, but he does.

“Actually I came here because I stopped by your house and I asked your sister and she said you would probably be here.” That little traitor.

Michael turns to face Jeremy fully. He sits up straight and says, “look I just wanna be super clear.”

“Okay.”

“Yeah, I’m flattered, I am but...Rich and I just broke up so…”

Jeremy cringes a little bit and says, “Michael, are you trying to reject me right now?”

Michael tilts his head, “well, yeah. It didn’t seem like last time it took.”

Jeremy shakes his head while saying, “Michael Mell I am not trying to date you.”

“Yeah, but your mouth is saying something, but your mouth said something different.”

“What?” 

The waitress brings him his shake and Jeremy decides to clear things up by saying, “ok, um...so here’s the thing, I don’t actually like you. I just had to make it look like I liked you so somebody else wouldn’t think I liked them.”

Michael nods, surprisingly understanding, “ok, got it. Um, who?”

Jeremy blinks, “what?”

“Who? You gotta tell me who this mystery stud is, otherwise I’m just gonna go on believing you have a secret tattoo of my face on your butt.” 

The statement angers Jeremy for a second before he realizes that Michael is actually right. He has no proof that Jeremy isn’t obsessed with him, he actually has proof towards that theory. But still, the tattoo thing is just gross.

“No.”

“Should I tell the school you wrote me a love letter?”

Alarms go off in Jeremy’s head and he gives in, “ok, ok, fine, Um...It’s Brooke Lohst.”

Michael leans back in his chair with a skeptical face, “wait, hold on, Brooke? Doesn’t she date your brother?”

“Yeah, yeah, well, she dated, my brother, in the past tense.” Why did he have to say that in the past tense if he already used a word that was in the form of past tense?! “And she also got a letter so you can see how awkward and complicated that one’s gonna get if she thinks that I actually like-”

“Woah, woah, wait. Hold on. Stop. I’m not the only guy that got a letter?”

Jeremy shakes his head.

Michael loos out the window and says, “wow you really think that you’re special then you find out he sent love letters to 2 people.”

Jeremy brings his drink closer, “well I wrote 5 letters, so, don’t go feeling too special.”

“You wrote 5 letters?”

“Yeah.”

Michael raises his eyebrows and sips his shake, “damn Heere, you’re a player. Who else did you write letters to?”

“If I tell you will you leave me alone?”

“Maybe.”

Jeremy rolls his eyes and tugs on his hoodie, “Jenna Rolan.”

“She’s gay.”

“You know that.”

“Everyone knows that. Who else?”

“A kid from camp and a kid from Model UN that I went to with.”

Jeremy grabs his backpack and asks, “are we good here?”

Michael nods, “yeah, no, yeah we’re all good. But, uh, can I ask? Is that sparkly bike out front your ride?”

Jeremy smiles and nods. Michael narrows his eyes and pays for the half-empty shake.

***

Michael pulls up to Jeremy’s house in his black convertible PT Cruiser and parks it. Jeremy smiles and unbuckles his seat belt while saying, “thanks for driving me home. And sorry for the whole jumping you thing.”

Michael shrugs, “could have been worse?” He asks Jeremy before he leaves the car, “so, what are you gonna say to Lohst?”

Jeremy leans against the seat and put his hands in his lap, “well, I guess I’m gonna have to tell the truth.”

Michael nods and says, “yeah, but, uh, what is the truth? Do you like her? Do you not like her?”

Jeremy opens the car door while stepping out, “it’s not your problem Michael.” He walks around and pulls his sparkly bike out of the trunk. While he’s walking the bike back to the front porch of his house someone pulls on the bike and Jeremy sees Michael is still here.

“Hey, wait, um. What if you didn’t tell her?”

“What?”

Michael shrugs, “yeah what if we let people think we were actually together? Just for a little while. And not just Lohst, I mean like, everybody.”

Jeremy shakes his head with a confused smile, “why would you want that?”

“Well for starters, when Rich heard you kissed me, he went nuts, and if he thinks you and I are a thing he’ll want to get back together.” Michael is nodding his head like it’s a genius idea.

Jeremy tilts his head and says, “oh, so you wanna use me as your pawn.” Jeremy starts to walk away when Michael cuts him off again.

“Ah, well, see...technically, you used me as your pawn first when you jumped me.” Jeremy nods with a sour face and walks up to his porch, setting his bike down. Michael says, “look I’m not looking for an answer right now, but just think about it.”

Rolling his eyes, Jeremy responds with, “yep, don’t hold your breath.” Then he walks inside.

Still outside, Michael looks over to the next house and sees Brooke Lohst gazing at Jeremy as he walks inside. He says to her, “hey, Lohst right?”

She looks to him and asks, “you’re taking Jeremy home?”

“I guess I am.”

Brooke bites her cheek, “hey, um, how long have you guys been hanging out?”

Michael holds onto the open car door as he says, “not long.” Then he drives off, leaving a confused Brooke behind.

***

“Will you call me?” 

Stop

“Because there’s so much I wanna talk about-”

Stop this is all your fault

“Music I wanna share with you. Tattoos I wanna get with you.”

Stop

Imaginary Brooke is laying down beside Jeremy on his bedroom floor. And she won’t stop talking.

This cannot happen.

“We’d be so great together.”

A new voice enters Jeremy’s head, “oh my god shut it.”

Jeremy turns his head to the right along with imaginary Brooke and sees imaginary Michael. He smiles at him, “it’s a cool trick right?” He nods his head towards the other side of Jeremy, so he turns his head, and sees imaginary Brooke gone. “Wanna see me do it again?”

Jeremy comes to a realization. 

Oh My God.

***

Jeremy walks through a basketball court through all the players to Michael. He doesn’t flinch as balls go flying past his head. He stops about 10 yards away from Michael and yell, “hey! Mell!”

Michael turns to him and walks forward then asks, “what?”

Jeremy nods his head and says, “let’s do this.”

Michael smiles and glances around at the other very popular people on the court, then he’s leaning down and grabbing Jeremy’s waist, and now they’re kissing. Jeremy wraps his arms around Michael’s neck, and kisses back. All the squeaking of shoes stop, and Jeremy can practically feel the rumors starting.

Michael pulls away and Jeremy looks around at the shocked faces on the court. He turns back to Michael and says, “I’m going to trig.” he waves behind himself as he walks out of the gym.

“Have a nice day.”

“Yeah.”

He looks at the basketball team, “carry on!”

No turning back now.

***

“So, first things first, we need to have a contract so we’re on the same page about the rules.”

Michael sips from his Mt.Dew then puts it away. He squints and says, “you got rules? Come on, you really know how to zap the fun out of a situation.” Jeremy looks at Michael, he’s leaning against the bench table like he owns the world. Which is infuriating but kinda hot at the same time.

“It’s important to know where you stand on certain issues.” Jeremy takes out a notebook from his backpack and a nice blue pen.

Michael chuckles, “yeah? Like what?”

Jeremy answers, “well, for example, I don’t want you to kiss me anymore.”

Michael gapes in shock, “are you crazy? Who’s gonna believe we’re in a relationship if I’m not allowed to kiss you?” Jeremy throws his leg over the bench to face Michael. He straightens out his light blue blouse with clouds on it. Michael teased him about it but Jeremy likes it, especially with his dark jeans and red converse. 

“You may be the James Dean of this kind of stuff but I’ve never had a boyfriend before.”

Michael looks away, “you have the references of an 80 year old woman. What does that matter?”

Jeremy purses his lips, “it matters because I don’t want all of my firsts to be fake. If I’m gonna be making out with someone, I’m gonna do it for real.”

Michael looks annoyed, “ok, but you kissed me first.”

Jeremy turns back to the contract, “this is non-negotiable.”

Michael gets up, sighing while saying, “fine...but we need to figure something out because people are gonna get suspicious if I’m not allowed to touch you.”

Nodding, Jeremy says, “oh, um, you have a point. How about this? You can put your hand in my back pocket.” He smiles, but Michael just has a ‘what the heck’ face.

“Hand in your back pocket?”

“Mhm.”

“What the hell is that?”

Jeremy blinks in surprise, “16 Candles? It’s the opening image.” Michael just stares, “it’s a couples thing.”

Michael stuffs his hands in his hoodie, “yeah, maybe in the 70s.”

“16 Candles was in the 80s. John Hughes?” Michael raises his shoulders, “nothing?”

“Mm.”

Jeremy flips his hair away from his face and says, “ok, 2 more rules. You have to watch 16 Candles with me, because it’s a classic, and, we can never tell anyone this relationship is fake, because it would be too humiliating for both of us.”

Michael replies with, “duh. First rule of fight club.”

“What?”

Michael sits down, “are you serious? You’ve never seen Fight Club?”

Jeremy shakes his head with puckered lips.

“Oh my god! Ok, write it down.” Jeremy does as told, “double feature. After we watch the Candles movie, we are watching Fight Club.”

As he writes them down, Jeremy says, “16 Candles, Fight Club, no snitching.”

Michael peers at the paper, “I like your handwriting.”

Jeremy looks up and smiles, “thanks.”

They sit in awkward silence for a few moments until Michael says, “I, uh, I could write you notes, every day.”

Jeremy smiles a little bit, “you’d do that?”

“Sure.” Jeremy feels his heart warm a little bit. Then Michael says, “Rich was always on me to write him them. I never did,” the warm feeling goes away, “so if I start sending them to you, he’ll be pissed, it’ll be good.”

Jeremy leans forward on his elbows, “how romantic.”

Michael ignores her, “also, you have to come with me to my basketball games and parties.”

Jeremy counters, “then you have to pick up my sister and I and drive us to school every single day.”

“Ok. But you’re coming with me on the ski trip.”

Woah, the Middleborough High ski trip was infamous for being the location where more students lost their virginity than Senior week and Prom combined. Jeremy has never been. Obviously.

“Um,” Michael looks up as he finished writing ski trip in bold letters, “that’s like 3 months away. Do you think we’re still gonna be doing this?”

He shrugs, “let’s call it a, contingency. Look, no one in their right mind is gonna let their boyfriend go without them, so, if we are still doing this by the time it comes around, you have to go with me.”

Jeremy is certain that by the time the ski trip comes around, Michael and him will be ancient history, and that is the only reason Jeremy says, “Ok. deal.” 

They both sign and shake hands.

***

October:

“C’mon Chloe, we’re gonna be late for school.” She rolls her eyes as Jeremy locks the front door behind them.

“I hate taking the bus. Can you please man up and start driving.”

Jeremy smiles as the lock slides out and he turns around, “actually…”

A car honks at them and they turn to see Michael pull up to them. He stands so that he can be seen over the hood and asks, “hey! Y’all ready?”

Chloe smiles wide, “oh hell, yes!”

They hop in the car and place down their stuff. Jeremy’s in shotgun and Chloe’s in the middle of the backseat. Michael turns around and asks Chloe, “hey little JH, what is that?” She holds up a sweet treat in her hand, which Jeremy told her to not eat this morning but she grabbed it anyway.

“It’s a little Mexican cake. Like Hostess cupcakes, and my name, thanks for asking, is Chloe Valentine Heere. My friends call me Chloe, you, can call me Valentine.”

Michael nods his head, “yes ma’am.” he turns to Jeremy and whispers, “she’s feisty!”

Jeremy nods and tells Chloe to put on her seatbelt. Chloe does so and asks Michael, “so how exactly do you know my brother again?”

Michael chuckles and says, “oh, um, I guess I’m his boyfriend.” 

Jeremy almost chokes, he didn’t expect Michael to be telling Chloe about their relationship. 

Chloe’s mouth falls open, and Michael asks, “can I have some of that?” Chloe tears off a piece and gives it to him. He takes it and pops it in his mouth.

He swallows and raises his eyebrows. “Oh wow, that is really good.” He turns to Chloe, “hey, what do I have to do to get you to bring me one of these tomorrow?”

Chloe leans forward in excitement, “you’re driving us again?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Ok! You can call me Chloe.”

Michael leans to Jeremy’s side and whispers, “progress.”

***

Walking down the halls is insane. People are actually looking at Jeremy. He’s used to being invisible. People are talking about him. Especially about Michael’s hand being in his pocket. They walk into the middle of the cafeteria, and then Michael spins Jeremy around by his pocket. He bumps into Michael and giggles. He gladly sees Rich’s face fall to unbridled rage.

He asks Michael, “what are you doing?”

Michael pulls a note out of his pocket and sneakily but noticeable enough for Rich to see, hands Jeremy a note with his name and a heart on it. “This is for you.” He brushes Jeremy hair from his ear and whispers, “good job. I’ll see you in a bit, ok?”

It’s weird and somewhat off-putting, to be congratulated for receiving a note, and having an ass pocket for someone to stick their hand into, but, he guesses this is where his life has taken him.

Someone grabs his arm and pulls him into the empty teachers room. It’s Christine. She smiles and says, “this Mell thing is insane. Who knew you had a secret boner for the king of the cafeteria crowd?”

Jeremy shrugs, “I know, I’m just as shocked as you are.”

“Did Evan freak?”

He averts his eyes and tells her, “actually, you know, I’ve been avoiding his calls so he doesn’t know yet.”

Jeremy sits in his room, trying to think of a way to tell Evan about the whole Michael deal. 

“Hi Evan. How’s college?”

“So listen, did I mention I have a fake boyfriend?”

“No? Yeah it’s Michael Mell.”

“How did it start? See that, that is a funny story, because it definitely was not because I was trying to convince your ex-girlfriend that I wasn’t in love with her. That’s for sure...shit.”

Jeremy’s laptop goes off and he nervously answers it.

“Hi!”

Evan is in a dark dorm room and smiling very wide. “Hi, finally. I feel like haven’t talked in forever. Tell me everything!”

Jeremy moves his head around, “well, you know, I’m just making cupcakes tonight for Chloe’s bake sale.”

Evan narrows his eyebrows, “cupcakes? No. it’s so much easier to do brownies.”

“Well I already bought all the ingredients for cupcakes and you’re not here so…”

Evan nods, “ok, then make cupcakes I’m sure they’ll be great. Have you seen Brooke at all lately?”

His eyes go wide and his voice goes high as he says, “what? No. why would I be seeing Brooke?”

Evan smiles, “I don’t know, ‘cause she’s our next door neighbor? Is everything ok with you?”

“No, you know, I am just so excited, to...make these cupcakes,” Jeremy starts talking a whole lot faster, “so actually I think I’m gonna go do that, but it was good to see you, Evan.”

“Wait, Jeremy?”

“Ok, bye!”

He hangs up the call and lets his head fall back in frustration. 

***

Jeremy’s in his kitchen making cupcakes when the doorbell rings. He walks to the door and opens to see Michael. He raises an eyebrow at the apron and the flour on Jeremy’s face. “What are you the Pillsbury Doughboy?”

Jeremy shakes his head, “no, I’m making cupcakes for Chloe’s baking sale.”

“Can I come in?”

He wipes the flour from his face and says sure while he opens the door. Michael walks in and says, “you know, it would be easier to make brownies. You can just cut them into squares. Just saying, my aunt makes them for her son” 

Jeremy rolls his eyes. “Michael Mell what are you doing here?”

He stands on the perpendicular side of the island and makes a ‘what gives’ gesture, “what? Did you not read my note?”

Jeremy did not read the note, he just shoved it away in his backpack and forgot about it.

“I’m taking you to Greg’s party.”

Jeremy shakes his head, “no, I’m not going to that.”

“Uh, yes you are. 1) Rich will be there and 2) it’s in the contract.” Michael leans against the counter. His Pacman shirt is really tight on his body.

“I’m sorry Michael I can’t go.”

“Can’t go where?” Jeremy and Michael turn to Mr.Heere walking into the kitchen. He smiles at Michael. 

“Michael Mell, is that you? Wow, you’re so tall, last time I saw you you were tiny.” 

Michael smiles, “how are you Mr.Heere?” They reach across the counter and shake hands right in front of Jeremy, making him feel a bit uncomfortable. “Um, I was just here to pick up Jeremy for a party. The parents will be there,” it’s a high school party, the parents will not be there, “and I’ll make sure to bring her home early. Can we go?”

Mr.Heere nods and says, “yeah.”

Jeremy says, “no.”

They both turn to him and he says, “I have to do these cupcakes.”

Mr.Heere comes over to him and starts pushing him out of the kitchen. Jeremy starts begging for him to please not make him go. “I think Chloe and I can handle some cupcakes. You look like a crazy person. Go! Have fun with your friend Michael Mell.” Jeremy grumbles as he stomps up the stairs to get changed.

Turning to Michael, Mr.Heere says, “no drugs, no alcohol, no hands.”

***

 

Michael drags Jeremy inside the house, saying it’s in the contract he has to come. They walk into the huge house into an empty hallway. Jeremy pulls out a little sparkly purple hair clip and clips back his bangs. 

Michael frowns, “what are you doing? Give me this.” He takes the clip out of his hair, and Jeremy goes to grab it back.

“What? No, give me that back.” 

Michael pulls it from his grasp and says, “I’m keeping it. I like your hair down. You look handsome, look, I’ll prove it to you.” He pulls out his phone and takes a picture of Jeremy with his hands covering his cheeks. He shows the photo to Jeremy, and, he does look pretty good.

“Fine, but you can’t lose it, that’s my favorite clip.” 

Michael makes a show of putting it in his pocket and says, “deal, give me your phone.”

Jeremy looks suspicious, “why?”

“Would you just trust me?” Michael extends his hand until Jeremy hands over his phone. He takes a selfie with a silly face and turns to show Jeremy. “You, need to make this your new background.”

Jeremy takes his phone back, “so what’s your new background?”

Michael smirks, “dude, come on. You know I already got it.” He holds up his phone to show the picture he just took of Jeremy on the cover. He holds out his hands and says, “leggo” as they enter the house.

Michael greets a bunch of people as they make their through the crowd and stop at Greg who’s throwing Ping Pong balls into beer cups. Michael claps him on the back as the guy makes it in. Greg turns to Michael and says, “I never miss. Welcome to my party man. How’re you?”

Smiling, Michael says, “good,” he taps Jeremy on the shoulder, “I’m gonna go get us a drink. You want some?” Jeremy nods and Greg says sure and points to where the drinks are. 

Jeremy hears his name called and he turns around to see Alice Krovski waving him over to come sit down. Greg motions for him to go, so Jeremy walks over, and is a little scared when he sees Rich on the other side of her. He sits down and smiles at Alice, who asks him, “so...dish.”

“What?”

“What’s up with you and Mell?”

Rich decides to interrupt and says, “oh no. Don’t push him he’s shy!” Alice chuckles a little bit.

Jeremy says, “what do you wanna know?”

Alice leans forward, “Everything. When? How? How far? H on B? H on C?” She starts nodding along as she says all these letters that mean nothing to Jeremy, “H up and down on P? T on C?”

Jeremy blinks, “sorry, what are talking about again?”

Rich sits up and leans on Alice’s shoulder, “you know, forget it. Clearly they haven’t done anything.”

“How would you know that Rich?” He tilts his head and raises his eyebrows, smug about how obviously jealous Rich is right now.

He says, “because I know Michael,” then he turns to look Jeremy right in the eyes, “and I know Jeremy.” And with that Jeremy wants to scream, you know nothing about me, you haven’t known anything about me since the 8th grade, but he keeps his mouth shut because that would cause a scene and he doesn’t want that. So he just shrugs his shoulders and crosses his feet.

Rich stands up and says, “I’m gonna get a refill,” he turns back around to Jeremy and asks, “uh...can I get you anything, like a juice box or chocolate milk?”

Jeremy shifts to sitting on to his right leg and revels when he says, “actually Michael’s going to get me a drink, but thank you so much for offering.” Rich’s face turns annoyed as Michael comes from behind him and says, “what’s up babe?” Rich walks away as Michael sits down.

He hands Jeremy his drink, and Jeremy takes a sip of it and gags, “why is beer so vinegary?”

Michael chuckles, “it’s not, sorry.” He takes the cup from Jeremy’s hand and gives him the other one. ”Kombucha is, though. I’m driving remember?”

Jeremy raises an eyebrow, “what’s Kombucha?” 

“It’s this less alcoholic drink. It takes some getting used to. It’s good for your digestion.” He pulls out his phone and says, “here, let’s take a selfie.” Jeremy looks into the camera and smiles, but then decides to press his lips to Michael’s cheek. He smiles as he takes the picture. They go through a whole bunch, and end up with like, 50.

Later, Jeremy is tapped on the shoulder and sees Jenna. Jeremy smiles and says, “hey, I didn’t know you came?”

She beams back and says, “yep...so, Mell, huh? Guess those letters worked?”

Nodding Jeremy says, “yeah, but you gotta keep that a secret.”

She holds up her hands, “your filthy little secret’s safe with me.”

***

Michael is just checking his phone while clipping and unclipping Jeremy’s hair clip when someone walks in. He says, “hey, occupied,” but stops talking when he sees Rich. He walks closer to Michael as he sits down on the sink.

“Jeremy Heere? Really?” 

Shrugging, Michael replies, “what do you care?”

He looks down and takes the clip from Michael’s hands, “ah, how cute, is this his?” Rich turns to the mirror and puts it in the side of his hair. 

Rich shakes his head, “Do I look good?”

Michael looks down, “you look great Rich. You always look great. Come on, give it back Rich.”

Rich gets really close to his face and says, “I think I’ll keep it, ‘k? Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.”

***

“Not gonna lie, that sounds nasty.”

Jeremy rolls his eyes, “it’s not that bad Jenna. Bottoms up.”

“Hey!” Jeremy turns and sees Michael waving at him. “You wanna get out of here, go grab some food?” 

Jenna gags as she drinks it and spits it back out. “Go ahead,” she says, “I’ll catch you later.”

***

At the Corner Cafe Michael and Jeremy sit down together at a small table. Michael says, “You did so good tonight, Rich was pissed.”

Jeremy shrugs, “yeah well I just hope he doesn’t put glass in my smoothie on Monday, so.”

Michael sips from his shake and says, “I love how you aren’t afraid of him.”

“No, no, I’m terrified of him.”

“But you don’t let him steamroll over you. Like that day at school when he was being a bitch about your tights.”

Jeremy smirks at the table, “you remember that?”

“Yeah, you kidding me of course. I mean, I couldn’t say anything at the time, but those tights weren’t just cool they were kinda hot.” He shrugs and Jeremy smiles, “look, Rich is handsome, but you have way better style.”

“Thank you.” Jeremy stands up and starts putting on his soft jacket. Michael’s phone buzzes and he looks at it, only to make a sour face and put it back.

“He just makes me so angry sometimes.”

“We’re still talking about him?”

“Like tonight, he barely talks to me at the party, but as soon as I leave he sends me like a thousand texts.”

Jeremy’s got the jacket on all the way now, “well, have you been responding?”

Michael shakes his head, “no, I think I’ll just call him when I get home.”

With a slightly amused face Jeremy asks, “so you guys still talk on the phone?”

He tilts his head back and forth, “I mean not as much as we used to, but, yeah.”

Jeremy stares at him, making Michael uncomfortable so he asks, “what?”

“Hm?”

Michael lifts his hands up and gestures at Jeremy as he says, “you do this thing where you have this whole judgy face scenario going on.”

Jeremy throws up an arm and drops it, “well, I guess that I just think it’s really weird that you still talk to your ex-boyfriend on the phone. It’s not healthy.”

Michael lifts an eyebrow, “like you’re the expert, you haven’t even dated before.”

“And you’ve only had one boyfriend,” he holds up one finger, “and you’re completely obsessed with him, so that doesn’t really make you The Bachelor.”

Michael leans back, “ok, I am not obsessed with Rich.”

Jeremy sits back down, “ok, prove it to me. Don’t call him tonight.”

“You know for someone who’s quiet all the time, you sure have a lot of opinions.”

Jeremy turns his head to the side, “yeah, well I think that’s just because no one’s been honest with you before.”

“Ok then, be honest with me. Why haven’t you dated anyone yet?”

Jeremy swishes the spit around in his mouth, “I don’t know. I guess no one’s ever liked me like that.”

“Lies,” is Michael’s immediate response, “I know those are lies, because I know for a fact that Carly Myers asked you to the spring formal last year and you said no.”

“Are you keeping tabs on me?”

“Come on Heere, what happened to no secrets. Fight Club. Remember?”

Jeremy looks down, gathering his thoughts, then looks up and says, “ok. So love and dating, I love to read about it, and it’s fun to write about and think about in my head, but...when it’s real…”

Michael crosses his arms and leans his head closer, “what? It’s scary?”

He nods his head.

Looking perplexed, Michael asks, “why? Why is that scary?”

Jeremy twiddles his thumbs and feels his throat get tight, “because the more people that you let into your life, the more they can just walk,” he looks down and barely gets out, “right out.”

Michael stares with sympathy, “like your mom right?” Jeremy nods, “if you don’t mind me asking, what happened?”

Jeremy swallows, and thinks. He can trust Michael, he won’t give him a look of you poor thing...right? “Um, my mom actually left when I was 7. She called the family a lot, said she was on business back home in spain, but uh, when I was 8 we got a call from my grandma saying she was in a fetal car accident. The only time I went to Spain was to bury my mom.”

Michael mutters a small sorry, then says, “did you know my dad left?”

Jeremy nods, “yeah, it happened a while ago, right?” He shrugs.

“Two years ago. He’s got a wife and kids now.”

Jeremy taps his fingers on the table, “I’m so sorry.”

“No. it’s fine...I just usually don’t talk about it, I just thought that, that you would understand,” he looks up in horror, “not that it is at all the same.”

He shakes his head. “No, it’s fine, I completely understand. It’s hard.”

He shrugs, “it’s whatever.”

Jeremy looks into his pretty brown eyes, “we don’t have to talk about it, but it’s not whatever.”

Michael smiles, “I think it’s funny, you say your scared of commitment and relationships, but, uh, you don’t seem afraid to be with me.” The corners of Michaels’ lips lift and Jeremy glances around.

“Well there’s no reason to be.”

“Yeah? Why’s that?”

“Because we’re just pretending.”

Something in Michael’s face falls, and now Jeremy feels like he said the wrong thing. “Right, of course, Jeremy Heere, ladies and gentlemen, you can count of him to be honest, always.” He’s smiling, but his voice is tight.

“Wait, Michael, are we cool?”

“Yeah, we’re fine, Heere. Thank you for coming to the party tonight.”

***

 

Later when he’s home, Jeremy quietly closes the door and leans against it tiredly. His phone goes off and he sees on Instagram that Michael post a selfie with them, captioned, ME AND BAE!

He wonders if Michael’s still upset with him for whatever reason, but decides to comment on it saying, Bae! You are such a dork!

He holds the phone to his chest until it goes off again. Mike replied with a kissy face emoji. He smiles at it and knows that Michael isn’t actually mad. 

***

November:

Fake dating Michael was getting easier and easier. Jeremy always ate lunch with him in the cafeteria and was even becoming friends with some of his friends.

Greg comes over making some weird airplane noise like a 5 year-old and fist bumps Michael in front of Jeremy then sits down and says, “so Jeremy, the other day I saw you drop your schedule in the hallway, and I was gonna give it back but then I realized you have yours memorized so you don’t need it, but I did happen to see your full name on it.” Oh no. “Your name is Jeremy Michael Heere?”

On the other side of Jeremy, Michael spits out his drink, “what?”

Jeremy sits frozen to the chair as Greg says, “isn’t that crazy? Because your middle name is the same as the guy you’re dating?” Greg is nice, but not exactly smart.

Michael chuckles, “wow, that’s insane. But, I thought you’re Jewish?”

Jeremy nods, “I am. My dad is Jewish but my mom was Christian so they named me Jeremy Michael Heere.” Michael smiles.

“Well, Jeremy Michael, I guess you’re a complicated person.”

Jeremy blinks at the name, “what?”

“I’m gonna call you Jeremy Michael from now on.” Jeremy starts shaking his head, but Michael is already standing up in his seat and announcing to the entire cafeteria that Jeremy Heere will now be called Jeremy Michael and that decision is final. When he sits back down, Jeremy puts his head in his hands.

“What have you done?”

Michael chuckles and leans into him, “I have no idea what you’re talking about Jeremy Michael.”

Anyway, Michael’s friends were nothing like his other friends, but it was fun to be a part of a group. Of course, there were still moments he wanted to disappear.

***

The doorbell rings and Jeremy opens the door to Brooke. She has a neutral face on and asks, “can we talk now?”

While leaning against the house, Jeremy listens to Brooke saying, “I can’t believe your dating Mell.”

Jeremy crosses his arms and makes a face, “why? Is it really that hard to think that someone could actually like me?”

Brooke shakes her head, “no, it’s the opposite. It’s unbelievable. You’re like this, sweet, innocent guy, and he’s like, a complete dick! I don’t get it.”

Jeremy looks at her with a slightly hurt face, “you know you make me sound really boring right, Brooke? I’m not that innocent.”

Brooke harshly says, “ok.”

Jeremy repeats, “ok. Well, great, if that’s the reason you came over to talk to me then…” he starts to walk back inside but Brooke gets up.

“Wait!” 

Jeremy turns around, hugging himself in the gray sweater, silently hoping it’ll give him invisibility powers so he can disappear.

Brooke looks really distressed, “look...did you mean what you said in the letter?”

Jeremy looks around and opens his mouth, the first few words don’t come out, but then he says, “I don’t know? Ok? It was a long time ago.”

Brooke looks ready to tear her hair out, “well, not for me, this is all new, so like, I’m trying to understand here.”

Jeremy cuts her off, “there’s nothing to understand. Look, it was a mistake. You never should have seen it.”

“I did see it! Alright? So, what am I supposed to do?”

“Not tell Evan?”

Brooke practically screams at him, “Evan’s not even talking to me! Alright, you don’t have to worry about that.”

Jeremy stands there and slowly turns away, feeling sorry for Brooke and mad at himself for writing those stupid freaking letters. “I’m sorry, thanks.” He opens the front door.

Brooke looks pissed, “that’s it? Evan dumps me, you’re dating Mell and we can’t even be friends anymore?”

Jeremy walks back over to her, “Brooke I don’t know how to be friends with you like this. We can’t go back to how it was before you and Evan were dating. And we definitely can’t go back to how it was when you and Evan were dating.”

“If I had known I would have lost both of you like this I would of-”

Jeremy shakes his head, trying to keep back tears and cuts Brooke off, “stop. Don’t finish that sentence.” He slowly backs up and walks to the door. 

Brooke holds out her hand, “you can’t just ignore me!”

Opening the door, Jeremy tells her, “no, we can’t talk. Sorry.” His voice breaks on the sorry and it was not because he started crying.

***

Jeremy lays on the couch with Michael and Chloe as they watch 16 Candles, and Michael asks, “isn’t this Long Dong Duck character kind of racist?”

Jeremy shakes his head, “no, he’s extremely racist.”

“Then why do you like this movie?”

Chloe answers for him, “uh, hello? Jake Ryan?”

Michael scoffs and says, “I am way better looking than that guy.”

Chloe scoffs, “you wish.”

Michael raises an eyebrow, “oh yeah?” he grabs the pillow next to him and yells “incoming”, starting a ferocious pillow fight between him and Chloe. Jeremy snorts at it, they’re cute when they play fight, he could definitely see Michael becoming an older brother of sorts to Chloe. Of course, Jeremy hopes Chloe isn’t getting too attached. In fact, he wishes he could have kept their families out of this all together.

***

“We are so happy to finally meet you Jeremy Michael.” Jeremy internally sighs at her calling him that, but he doesn’t let it show because Michael’s probably been calling him that for a while and doesn’t want to suddenly change it on her, plus, it’s not that big of a deal.

He smiles at Michael’s mom, who’s name is Darna as she sets down a bowl of some kind of noodles, Michael puts a lot on Jeremy’s plate, and says, “you’re gonna want seconds.”

On Jeremy’s right is Michael’s other mom, Arianna, who is whispering to Michael’s little cousin about something before sitting down. She asks, “so, Michael says you have a brother and a sister?”

Jeremy nods, “yes, I have an older brother who just left for college, and I have a younger sister, who is um,” he gestures to Michael’s little cousin, “she’s Nico’s age.”

Darna makes a long drawn out sound and says, “your mother must love having at least one girl. And us? We’re stuck with this heathen and all the male cousins.”

Michael looks uncomfortable as he says, “nanay, I told you. Jeremy Michael’s mom passed away.” Arianna glares at Darna, as Darna looks up and closes her eyes in regret, Jeremy says nothing.

She looks back to him, “I am so sorry, Jeremy Michael, I…”

Jeremy smiles and shrugs, “actually she did love having girls -- but I would still say that Chloe still is a heathen.”

Everyone laughs, but Arianna looks confused, “girls? I thought you had only 1 sister?” Jeremy bites his tongue, shoot. He said girls with an s didn’t he? Well, it is true, Jeremy transitioned after she left. How is he gonna explain this?

Michael seems alarmed, “we can just drop the subject, hey I saw Mr.Chi in the halls-”

Jeremy waves his hand to cut Michael off, “it’s fine.” It’s not that big a deal to tell them, plus, why not show off his pride to impress Michael’s lesbian moms? He leans down and picks up his bag, and shows the trans pride pin to them. Both of them squint at it before leaning back and making ‘oh’ faces.

“That would explain it.”

***

Later as Jeremy and Michael clean up the dishes, Michael says, “hey, I’m sorry about what my mom said to you, about, your mom.” 

Shrugging Jeremy says, “it’s fine.” He hands Michael a dish, and doesn’t peer at Michael’s ass at all when he bends down to put it in the dishwasher. “It’s actually kinda nice, talking about her like it’s normal. Like it’s not some tragedy.” Michael nods his head, coming to lean against the counter parallel to the one Jeremy’s leaning against. “Is it weird not having your dad around?”

Michael looks down, then back, but still doesn’t make eye contact with Jeremy. “It’s not as weird as it used to be. I mean, Arianna is a good step-mom, a really good one, but, sometimes it feels like she knows nothing about me? Sometimes I just walk around the house and see my dad’s not in photos anymore, and I really miss him.” Jeremy let’s Michael talk, doesn’t make a comment until he feels like he should. Michael’s face twists from sad to annoyed and he says, “but then I think about everything he’s doing with his new family that he used to do with us, and I get so mad I’m glad he’s gone.”

Jeremy cranes his head to make eye contact with Michael and says, “you don’t mean that. You can be mad at someone and still miss them.”

Michael nods his head, not even trying to argue because he knows Jeremy is right, “I bet you really miss your mom, huh?”

His head barely moves but Jeremy can’t stop nodding, the words come out quiet and forced, “yeah, every day.”

He gets a look at Michael’s face and decides screw it and opens up. “But you know, it’s...It’s been so long now that, like...Ok it’s like this, I’ll be doing my homework, or I will be washing dishes or something and thinking about my family and I forget there was a time where it wasn’t just my dad, brother and sister. And it only happens for a quarter of a second, but...I feel really, really guilty about it.” He purses his lips and tilts his head to Michael, “I’ve never told anyone that before.”

Michael is only a foot ny from him, but neither of them really care, the space is comfortable. He sighs and nods his head, “I get it. I mean, it makes sense to me.” He glances down and suddenly looks guilty, “I don’t actually hate my dad, I didn’t mean it like that.” Jeremy nods, knowing that he was right. “At least he’s not, you know…”

Answering for him, Jeremy says, “dead.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s ok.” Jeremy smiles softly, “it’s actually really nice having someone to talk about this stuff. You’re a good listener.” 

Michael leans back and cocks his head as if to say ‘oh course I am’ but hesimply says, “yeah?”

“Mhm.”

“Why, thank you.” His face slackens to something genuine and he says, “you are too.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

Being with Michael was so easy that sometimes, Jeremy let himself pretend it wasn’t fake.

***

December:

“Remind me again why we have to eat these subs under the bleachers?” 

Christine adjusts her big hat and says, “dude, we can’t have these Subway contraband cups out in the open! Don’t want the power-that-be catching on to my lunchtime truancy vibes.” Jeremy has no idea what she’s saying. “P.S. that sub is tight, right?”

Jeremy is about to answer the strange question when he hears the unmistakable voice of one, Rich Goranski saying, “I don’t know Michael, it’s like you don’t have time for me anymore.” Christine holds up a finger telling Jeremy to be quiet and points at the people above them, who happen to be Rich and Michael. “Literally all you do is hang out with him.”

“So, I’m supposed to wait around for you like an idiot while you’re off with this college guy?”

Jeremy turns to Christine, “we should get out, this sounds private.”

Christine whispers at him, “are you insane? That’s your boyfriend!”

Above them Rich says, “seriously, he’s not a good listener.”

Christine emphasizes for him to stay with her hands and says, “they’re talking about you!”

Michael sasses back at Rich, “because he’s not at your beck and call like I am. Rich, you can’t keep doing this to me.”

Rich is quiet for a bit and Jeremy is relieved he stopped talking until, “he’s not coming the ski trip, is he? That’s our thing.” 

Christine rolls her eyes and asks, “how long has it been since they broke up?”

Michael sounds really annoyed to Jeremy, which is surprising since he’s trying to get back together with Rich, “what does it matter? You have a boyfriend.”

Rich shrugs and says, “yeah, well...maybe by then...I won’t.”

Christine’s eyes go wide, “dude, he is going after your man.” Jeremy simply bites into his sandwich and hopes for it all to go away. Even though he knows it won’t, unless...he talks to someone.

***

“I’m sorry, I know you don’t want to hear about Michael stuff. But, I guess I needed to talk to someone who might understand. I just feel like the more I get used to him, the more it’s gonna eventually hurt when he inevitably gets back with Rich, and, I’m so mad at myself because I should have seen this coming.”

“I don’t know.” Brooke looks up from staring at her shoes and shrugs, “that sucks. I’m sorry.” The bell rings and she pushes off from the wall she was leaning on. Jeremy nods and grabs his bag.

“Jeremy Michael!” Jeremy turns to Michael standing in the hallway and gesturing for him to come to him. 

Brooke looks slightly annoyed and asks, “want me to wait?”

“You better not.” Jeremy waves bye to her as he walks to Michael.

Jeremy walks down the halls with a pissed off Michael following him and saying, “what do you think people are gonna say when they see my boyfriend curling up next to Lohst?”

“What do you think people are gonna say when they see you practically begging to get back together with Rich on the bleachers?”

Michael’s mouth drops, “oh, so you’re spying on me now?”

“Not intentionally.” Jeremy turns the corner, trying to step away from the pointless skirmish.

But Michael’s follows him into the short and empty hallway and says, “ok, so I was talking to Rich, so what? You don’t even post about us on your Instagram.’

“Yeah ‘cause I don’t want my siblings to see.” Jeremy glares at him.

Michael throws up his arms and says, “yeah, like Chloe’s gonna care.”

Jeremy holds onto the straps of his backpack a little tighter, “I’m not talking about Chloe I’m talking about Evan.” Michael looks exasperated, so Jeremy says, “look, Michael...I don’t think that either one of us thought that this was going to go on for this long, but, Brooke and I are cool, Rich is officially jealous, I think we need to call it.”

Michael holds out his hands as if they’ll stop Jeremy from what he just said, “I cannot believe you’re trying to break up with me before the ski trip. That’s in the contract.”

“Only if we’re still together.”

“We are still together! You’re just trying to pull out because you’re scared.”

Jeremy’s face goes sour, “what do I have to be scared about?”

Michael shrugs, “you tell me Heere.”

How do you tell your fake boyfriend you can’t go on the skiing trip with him because you’re starting to have real feelings?

You can’t.

So you pivot.

“I’ll go if Chris goes.”

***

“I’m not denying you your right to put food on the table for your family. I just think that it’s a little odd that a man would want to become a gynecologist.” Christine emphasizes her words with hand gestures while talking to Mr.Heere. “Like, when you were in college you thought, ‘ah, I’d really love to look at vaginas all day.’”

Mr.Heere stands in front of Christine sitting on the counter with a cup of coffee and looks incredibly disturbed but not that surprised as he says, “I’m gonna leave the kitchen now, Christine.”

He exits and gives Jeremy a high five as he walks in and and says, “hi Chris. How’s it going?”

Christine plops onto the couch and says, “why is your boyfriend harassing me about coming on the ski trip? You know I don’t d school functions.”

Jeremy takes off his jacket and sits down next to Chris as he says, “yes, and that is why I told him I would go only if you would, knowing that you wouldn’t.” he smirks at his genius plan.

But Christine just looks confused now, “wait…” she plays with the ring on her finger without taking her eyes off of Jeremy before exclaiming, “you have to go! Rich’s definitely gonna make a move on Michael if you stay home.”

Shrugging, Jeremy says, “so let him. I’m sick of having his little snake eyes on me all the time.”

Christine looks appalled, “No! Rich always gets what he wants, and it’s BS!” Jeremy sighs and looks away, “you get Michael. I’ll make sure of it. I’m coming on that trip.”

Jeremy looks at her with a face of vexation and says, “you know, I’m tired of you using me to get back at Rich.”

She lets out a nervous laugh, “it’s not just that. Since you’ve been with Michael, well I don’t know JM, I’ve never seen you so happy.”

“Son she’s right.” Jeremy and Christine turn around on the couch to see Mr.Heere sitting on the stairs behind them, “I’m sorry, I wasn’t eavesdropping, but I haven’t seen you have so much fun, going to parties and making new friends. You made your old man very happy.” He lifts his coffee cup as if he’s giving a toast and walks back up the stairs.

Christine turns to Jeremy, “that was kinda sweet.”

“Yeah.”

They burst into giggles for no reason.

***

Mr.Heere drives up to the school next to the bus that’ll take the teenagers and Jeremy says, “thanks dad. I’ll see you in a couple of days.” He unbuckles but is stopped by his dad.

“Well, private, we need to talk about your sexual health.”

Jeremy starts vigorously shaking his head, ‘no. no, please, no.”

Mr.Heere ignores him and says, “as your father, I think you’re too young to have sex.”

“Mhm.” God, please, let it end.

“Did you know that most unwanted pregnancies are the result of expecting abstinence? I know that the T prevents pregnancy, but there’s always a chance.” He pulls out a package from the backseat and hands it to Jeremy as he says, “I know you’re smart enough not to do things just because a boy may want you to.”

Jeremy is pressed against his seat as far back as possible, “ok, let’s make this end.”

“It’s your decision, I want you to be safe.” He gestures to thepackage and Jeremy reaches inside and pulls out...condoms.

He quickly puts them back in the bag so no one outside sees and says loudly with a bunch of voice cracks, “dad, why are you giving me these?!”

“Pulling out is not protection.”

Jeremy opens the door, “oh my god, I’m getting out of the car.”

He opens the back door and grabs his stuff angrily, Mr.Heere adds on, “don’t forget to have fun!”

“Yeah, well, I have a lot of rubbers for that, specifically.”

Jeremy walks onto the bus and looks around. He sees Michael a couple rows back, and heads down the aisle when Michael holds up a peace sign.

He’s about to successfully pass Michael when he grabs Jeremy’s arm and asks, “where’re you going?”

Jeremy points to the back, “to sit with Chris.”

Michael looks back there and says, “Chris? Come on, look at her. She’s sleeping. I saw her Snapchat. She was up all night at an EDM concert thing.”

Jeremy swallows thickly, gesturing to Christine again, “well, that’s more reason to go sit with her. Don’t want her to, you know, go swallowing her tongue or anything.” Jeremy quickly retreats to the seat next to Chris.

Rich comes onto the bus and stands really close to Michael as he asks, “is anyone sitting here?”

Michael glances back to Jeremy, than sits down and says, “I guess not.”

Jeremy turns to a sleeping Christine and says, “this was a mistake,” but Chris just moans and pushes his face away, waking up from her nap.

“Tell me about it. I can’t believe I let you convince me to go on a trip that requires getting up before 7;00.” She nuzzles her head onto Jeremy’s shoulder and goes right back to sleep for most of the ride.

 

***

Jeremy asks Christine as they enter the fancy skiing lodge, “who goes to an EDM concert on a school night?”

“Umm, lots of people do? It wasn’t necessarily like an EDM concert, it was more like a rock…” 

Christine struggles to find the words but Jeremy already knows what she means. “Oh, right, got it.”

They walk into the living area of sorts to see Jake standing between everyone saying, “alright they said ‘Jake, make sure everyone sleeps in their assigned room,’ and I said, ‘overruled, sleep where you want sluts.’” He tosses a bunch of condoms in the air and everyone dives down to grab one.”

Jeremy turns to Christine, looking genuinely concerned, “they’re the chaperones?”

“See you on Black Diamond, Michael?” Jeremy, Christine and Michael turn their heads to see Rich leaning over the railing and looking straight at Michael. “Last one down the slope owes the other a hot toddy.” 

Jeremy watches how Michael goes back to his conversation with Jake immediately, wishing he would tell Rich to go fuck off. But he won’t because Michael is in love with Rich, not Jeremy.

“Go get your man.” 

Jeremy turns to her with his arms crossed, “are you kidding me? I can’t go down the Black Diamond. I don’t even know how to put on boots.”

Christine asks incredulously with a laugh, “if you’re not gonna ski, what are you planning on doing all weekend?”

Jeremy smiles and opens his backpack, “I came prepared.” He pulls out a bunch of romance novels.

Chris rolls her eyes, ‘this is a major backslide for you.” She turns and sees Jenna and waves her over. 

“Jenna.”

“Hey dude.”

They throw their arms over each other’s shoulders so much in sync it’s almost comical. Christine asks Jenna, “can you convince JM to come ski with us?”

Jenna looks at her wish a raised eyebrow, “yeah right. You think I’m going skiing? It’s cold outside, I don’t do cold.”

“What?” Christine looks a tad bit upset.

Jeremy says, “well, I have korean face masks.”

Jenna slides next to Jeremy.

***

“So you guys have been faking it this entire time?”

Both of them take off their face masks as Jeremy tiredly says, “yes, but you have to promise to not tell anybody. It’s just...I’m so confused. Just had to let it out.”

Jenna wipes her face of with a towel and says, “look, I do not care about the genesis of it all. I just know homeboy likes you. I can tell by the way he looks at you.”

Jeremy looks at the ceiling, “how does he look at me?”

Jenna giggles, “like you’re a sexy little rubik’s cube.” Jeremy snorts, “he can’t figure you out, but he’s having fun trying.

Shaking his head, Jeremy says, “it doesn’t matter. He is still so obsessed with Rich, and I’m just another stupid guy who fell for Mell. It’s embarrassing!”

Jenna sighs, “look, every guy, you know, gets a bit obsessed with, at first...you know” she starts doing weird body motions, like she’s humping the air, “bow chicka wow wow.”

Jeremy shakes his head, “no not really.”

Jenna waves her hands around quickly as if to erase her last sentence and says, “ok, let’s look at the facts, shall we? The whole fake relationship was his idea, you came up with the no kissing rule, and you’re the one who keeps trying to break up with him. And you’re also currently carb-loading with a gay woman while he’s probably waiting for you in the hot tub. So I’d say, of anyone stupidly fell for someone who doesn’t like them back, it’s not you,” she whispers, “it’s Mell.”

Jeremy looks straight at Jenna, “you think he’s waiting for me in the hot tub?”

“Hell yeah!”

***

Jeremy walks out to the little area in the middle of the lodge, where it’s outside but surrounded by the building and sees Michael sitting in the bright blue hot tub, and he looks extremely hot with the steam swirling around him. Jeremy stops so that Michael can see him and asks, “all by yourself out here?” Michael looks up at him with a neutral face, then just looks back down. Jeremy shrugs, “so what, now you’re ignoring me?”

Michael plays with the water as he says, “oh I’m the one ignoring you? That’s funny.”

Jeremy stands there with his mouth open for a bit before shaking his head and walking up the steps to the edge of the hot tub and sitting on the rock. He wraps his arms around his legs and says, “well, sorry I’m not a good skier, you didn’t even offer to teach me.”

Raising his eyebrow Michael says, “oh, I’m supposed to be sweet to you after you don’t sit with me on the bus ride up here?”

“Shouldn’t you be thanking me?” Jeremy rolls his eyes, “that you got to sit next to who you actually wanted?”

Michael shakes his head and props up his elbows on the wall he’s leaning against. “For someone who has such good grades, you can be really dense sometimes.”

“What?”

“Yeah, I wanted to sit next to you, Jeremy Michael.” Jeremy stares in shock. Michael says, “I even packed the snacks. I asked Chloe where to find those Mexican cakes you like so much.”

Jeremy narrows his eyebrows and scrunches his eyebrows. “The Mexican grocery store is all the way across town.”

“I know.” Michael acts like he’s trying to get Jeremy to catch onto something, “so if I went all the way across town to get you something that you like, then that means…”

Jeremy glances around, “you must really like those cakes?”

Michael closes his eyes and shakes his head. He opens his eyes and says, “you are impossible.”

Jeremy blinks. Oh. Oh. Michael wanted to sit next to him. And he was an absolute jerk. He smiles a little bit at Michael wanting to sit next to him. He lifts his feet and puts them in the water. While leaning on his knees, Jeremy says, “sorry I didn’t sit next to you.”

Michael shrugs. “It’s alright.”

They both sit there for a few moments. Just staring at each other. Jeremy feels something in his stomach. A longing. He wants to be closer to Michael. He wants to kiss him. So, he slides off his coat, surprising Michael and steps in.  
“Uh, you’re coming in, in your pajamas.”

Jeremy shrugs, still making his way towards Michael, “I didn’t bring a bathing suit.” He stops about halfway, questioning himself, but Michael’s face makes all the worries go away. So now he’s only a foot away from Michael. “Hi.”

Michael smiles and wraps his arms around Jeremy, “there’s no one like you Heere.” He lifts Jeremy and places him on his lap. Jeremy places his hands gently around the back of Michael neck and realizes their mouths’ have to be a centimeter away from each other. Jeremy bites his lip and closes the distance between them.

It feels amazing. Absolutely fantastic. Michael lips are soft and not chapped like Jeremy’s. He’s putting a lot of force into the kiss but not enough to make it rough. Jeremy puts an arm on Michael bare back and pulls away to breath. Then stops to stares into Michael’s beautiful eyes.

“What?” Michael asks.

Jeremy smiles and shakes his head. “Nothing.” Then they dive right back into kissing.

***

Michael smiles down at Jeremy, who is clinging onto his arm as they walk to his room and blushes because Jeremy was already looking at him with big eyes. Jeremy’s about to walk into his room when Michael tugs him back gently. Jeremy stands really close to Michael, and holds onto Michael’s robe as he stands on his tip toes and kisses Michael. And Michael gladly kisses back.

“Good night Jeremy Michael.”

“Good night.”

They both walk backwards from each other, not wanting to break eye contact, until Michael smiles giddily and turns down the hallway. Jeremy enters his room and falls asleep with a giant smile on his face and a full heart.

***

Jeremy wakes up in the plaid sheets and yawns tiredly. He wipes of some drool off his chin. Gross. Then he remembers what happened last night and smiles.

When he gets on the bus everyone claps. He freezes. The applause dies after a few seconds but he is still confused. Why would they clap for him? He didn’t do anything great this weekend. Except for...Michael wouldn’t do that. Still, when he sits down next to Michael, he asks, “hey, did you tell anyone about last night?”

Michael shakes his head, “no.” Then he realizes Jeremy’s confused about the applause. “Oh, naw, it’s just a thing that people do for couples. It’s a tradition.” Jeremy nods, understanding now. Michael asks with big puppy eyes, “hey, I’m really tired, can I use you as a pillow?”

Jeremy nods and lays his head on top of Michael’s, falling asleep instantly.

Neither of them see the enraged look Rich throws at them.

***

As Jeremy pulls his luggage out from under the bus, he turns to someone calling his name. It’s Rich. “Hey, Jeremy Michael!” Jeremy scrunches his nose, he doesn’t mind people calling him that, but hearing Rich say it just feels weird. Like your arch-nemesis just called you honey. Rich walks up to him with a fake smile and says, “I think it’s so cool that you came out on the ski trip. Hope you had fun.”

There is no way Rich hopes he had fun. Still, Jeremy sarcastically says, “gee...thank you Rich. I did.”

Just as Jeremy is about to turn away Ric says, “also, I just wanted to say I think it was really big of you, for being so understanding about my friendship with Michael.”

Jeremy’s grip on his suitcase tightens, “what?”

“Oh, I just mean...like, a lot of people would be pretty weirded out by their boyfriend sleeping in someone else’s room,” Jeremy’s stomach drops, “but, you’re so trusting...I remember that about you from middle school.”

Ok. Ok, don’t freak. Michael wouldn’t do that. He likes you. You made out last night! For real! There is no way he would…

“God, my hair can get in my eyes all the time.” Rich reaches up and pulls a clip out of his hair. A sparkly purple hair clip. Jeremy’s hair clip.

“Where did you get that?” 

Rich looks up with another fake and smug smile, “oh, Michael gave this to me. Isn’t it cute?” Jeremy can’t look away from the clip. Rich says, “well, have a nice day.” and then he walks away.  
Michael gave Rich his favorite hair clip. He trusted Michael to keep it safe. Did he go to Rich’s room?

Michael walks up to him with a shining smile and asks if he’s ready to go, but Jeremy just asks, “did you go to Rich’s room last night?”

Michael looks confused, “uh, yeah, but-”

“And you gave him my favorite hair clip?” Michael looks really confused now but Jeremy know that he knows exactly what he did. “Am I just a joke to you, Michael?”

His face goes big as if he’s realizing what he did wrong and says, “No, you’re not just a joke to me. You just don’t understand the situation.” He tries to keep talking but Jeremy cuts him off.

“No, I understand completely.” Jeremy gestures between them and says, “This is over, in every possible way.

Michael stops him and says, “Can we just talk about this? Let me drive you home, I’ll explain everything to you.”

Jeremy feels biles rise in his throat but he swallows it down, “I would rather walk home. Actually I would rather drive myself home that be in a car with you right now.” Jeremy walks away, and Michael doesn’t stop him. And for those who wonder, he did not cry. He only got dust in his eyes.

***

Jeremy tiredly walks through the front door and takes off his coat. He turns and is shocked. The house looks amazing. It’s got blue and white twinkling lights hanging, cute tinsel is wrapped around the banister and there’s cute blue and white blankets that Jeremy’s grandma made placed everywhere. He hears footsteps coming and sees Chloe racing to him in an ugly Hanukkah sweater. She hugs his and exclaims, “you’re home!”

Jeremy pulls back and asks, “did you do this all yourself?”

Chloe glances around and says, “well…”

“Hey little bro.”

Jeremy quickly turns around and almost bursts into grateful tears when he sees Evan standing on the stairs. “Oh my god.” He opens his arms and gives Evan the tightest hug he can. Chloe joins in on the hug and it feels like the greatest thing Jeremy’s felt for a long time.

Later when they’re making latkes, Chloe asks what Japan is like. Evan says, “everyone is so polite. They all try to speak english for me even though I know Japanese and always offer to help me with directions. I even left my phone in a lecture hall and came back a hour later for it to see no one had taken it.”

Chloe gasps, “wait, you left your phone somewhere?” She turns to Jeremy and asks, “who is he?”

Jeremy smiles, “he’s Evan.”

Chloe tentatively asks Evan, “are you going to invite Brooke over for dinner?”

Evan winces, “I think it’ll just be us tonight.”

“And dad.”

Evan nods, “yes, family night.”

Chloe sighs, but then perks up and asks, “so we can’t invite Michael?”

Jeremy’s eyes go wide as Evan raises an eyebrow and asks, “Michael?”

The doorbell rings and Jeremy quickly gets up and says, “I better get that.” He walks to the front door and opens it. It’s Michael.

Michael says, “we need to talk.”

Jeremy closes the door and and says, “not in here.” They walk off of the front porch. 

Michael sticks his hands in his pocket and Jeremy starts rubbing his arms since it’s so cold. Michael says, “Just so you know, nothing happened between me and Rich last night.”

“What happened was that you went to her room in the first place.’

Rubbing his face, Michael says, “look, Rich and I dated for a long time. Those feelings aren’t just gonna go away, we have history.”

Jeremy shakes his head, “I’m tired of being second best or, or fake best.”

Michael reaches out to touch Jeremy but Jeremy moves out of the way. Michael says, “no, you don’t get it. Last night was-”

Jeremy glares, “last night was a mistake. Physical stuff might not be a big deal to you, but to me, it is.”

Looking offended, Michael says, “who says it’s not a big deal to me?”

“Says every single guy on the bus!” Jeremy practically screams at him. “Clapping and praising you like a god, and you’re just eating it up.”

Michael looks around and says, “look, I, uh…”

Jeremy rolls his eyes and says, “Michael, just leave.”

“Can we go inside and talk?”

“He asked you to leave buddy.”

Jeremy turns around and sees Brooke walking across the front yard and glaring at Michael.

“Brooke, I’m fine. Go back inside.” 

Brooke stands next to Jeremy as if to defend him. “No it’s alright.”

Michael looks incredibly angry. “No, no. Are you serious now?” Jeremy glances between himself and Brooke, confused. Michael yells, “this isn’t about Rich and me, it’s about you and Brooke! Are you kidding me? This is why you broke up with me! You’re still in love with this Uma Thurman wannabe?”

Brooke yells at Michael, “if Jeremy Michael broke up with you, it’s because he finally came to a life-altering revelation that he is too good for you!”

“You’re in love with Brooke?”

Everyone turns to see Evan and Chloe standing on the porch. Evan looks very hurt. Jeremy says, “Evan no…” He starts walking towards Evan, but Evan slams the door in Jeremy’s face. Jeremy takes a deep breath and turns to Michael.

“Michael, go home!”

He shifts on his feet and says, “god. You were never second back.” Then Michael leaves.

Jeremy stands on the porch with his arms crossed, seething in rage, hurt, jealousy and guilt. He doesn’t know what to do or say, so he just stands there.

Brooke looks shocked, “I didn’t know he was home.”

Jeremy nods, “yeah, he finished his exams early. It was a surprise.” Brooke walks off and and Michael drives away. Leaving Jeremy and Chloe on the porch together.

“I’ll order a pizza.” Chloe walks inside.

***

Jeremy lays on his bed, wishing for the world to end, and trying to ignore the bubbling and boiling acid that’s eating up the inside of his stomach. It hurts, and claws and screams at him to do anything other than just sit here.

He gets up and throws every single romance novel he has on is shelf into a box and throws it into the closet. He opens up his desk drawer and stares at the stupid contract that Michael and him made when they started fake dating. Jeremy rips it to pieces and stomps on it as if it’ll heal his heart, which is in the same condition.

Well, at least the worst is over.

Then his phone goes off and he sees it’s a text from Christine. He picks up his phone and sees her text.

Christine: IS THIS YOUUUU?????

She sends a video of Jeremy and Michael making out in the hot tub last night.

Downstairs Chloe and her dad are playing chess when they hear a high-pitched scream coming from Jeremy’s room. Chloe shakes her head, “teenagers.”

Mr.Heere picks up his wine glass, “tell me about it.”

Chloe smirks and says, “also, Checkmate.” She gladly move her King and beats her dad. Mr.Heere looks confused, but then rolls his eyes and admits defeat.

***

Jeremy knocks on Evan’s door. Evan looks up and says, “I’m busy.”

Cringing, Jeremy says, “wait, Evan, please, I need your help.”

Evan stares at the video on Instagram and says, “well. You’re completely covered up and we only see your back. So if you hadn’t been tagged it could be anybody. Really, it’s worse for Michael than you.”

Jeremy sighs and falls onto Evan’s bed, “it’s never worse for the popular people. God how did i let this happen? I’m so stupid.” Jeremy hugs a pillow to his chest.

“Hey...Jere,” he tugs at the pillow in Jeremy’s arms and says, “gimme the pillow.” Jeremy lets go and Evan pulls him up by the arms.

Jeremy moves to make room for Evan on the bed and says, “I know you’re only being nice to be ‘cause I accidentally made a sex tape and you feel bad.”

Evan nods, “I do feel bad for you. But, I also don’t understand why you didn’t just tell me all this was happening in the first place.”

Jeremy makes an exasperated gesture, “I thought you were gonna hate me.”

“I could never hate you, Jeremy. But when I heard what Michael said, I thought you were trying to date Brooke now or something.”

Grabbing his hand, Jeremy says, “Evan, how could you think I would ever do that to you? You’re my brother.”

Evan’s holding back tears now, “you wouldn’t even Skype with me, what am I supposed to think?”

Jeremy’s also holding back tears. He looks down, trying to regain his composure then looks up and says, “I wouldn’t Skype with you because I was lying to every single person in my life, and i knew I couldn’t lie to you.”

“I just thought you didn’t need me anymore.” Evan’s smiling to hide the upset in his eyes. 

“Are you kidding? Look what happened when you were gone!” Both of them are cry-laughing now, “I made a sex tape, and I haven’t even had sex!”

“Come here.”

They hug each other tightly. Jeremy opens his eyes and sees Chloe standing and asks, “how long have you been there?” Evan lets go and turns to look at Chloe.

She fidgets and says, “not long.” Then she retracts her statement and says, “long.” 

Evan motions for her to join them. Chloe sits on the other side of him and both her and Jeremy get pulled into a group hug. Jeremy reaches over and tickles Chloe. She giggles and they all pull back. Evans smiles and says, “ok, no more secrets between the Heere siblings.”

Chloe nervously looks at her lap and says, “but I have a secret.” Jeremy and Evan wait as she takes a deep breath and says, “I sent the letters.” 

 

There’s a tense moments of silence where Evan and Chloe stare at Jeremy, unsure of what he’s gonna do until he quietly says, “I’m going to murder you.” that’s when the chaos starts.

Jeremy practically leaps across Evan to grab Chloe but she moves out of the way too fast. She climbs on the bed as Evan tries to keep Jeremy away. Evan is saying how how ‘she’s just a kid’ and Chloe is saying ‘god save me’ and Jeremy’s grabbing a plastic toy baseball bat and is chasing Chloe with a rage. 

Chloe curls behind his desk chair and says, “you were just so lonely, and I knew that Michael liked you and I miss having him over for dinner!” Jeremy manages to get past Evan but Chloe is already running away.

Jeremy yells, “so you just decide to send all 5!” They all loop around again and Chloe hiding behind the chair saying, “I thought 5 letters would get you a better chance at a boyfriend or girlfriend!”

Chloe sprints to the closet and hides in it. Jeremy goes to open it with the plastic bat ready to swing but Evan gets in between him and the door and says, “Jeremy! Give me the plastic bat!”

Jeremy tentatively slams it into Evan’s hand. Evan says, “look, her logic was wrong. But her heart was in the right place.”

“Her face is gonna be in the wrong place!”

Evan pushed Jeremy back and says, “Jeremy Michael Heere, before you murder our sister, let me ask you this. If you really didn’t want to send those letters, then why did you address them?”

Jeremy searches for a viable answer, “I - I - I - It’s not like I put a stamp.”

Evan says, “don’t you think that deep down you don’t want everything in your life to be a fantasy?”

Jeremy refrains from making eye contact with his brother, “maybeeee.”

The door opens a bit, revealing a still scared Chloe, and Evan asks, “so, if I can forgive you for writing my girlfriend a love letter, then, do you think you can forgive Chloe?”

Jeremy leans to look Chloe in the eyes and says, “you own me hair makeovers for the rest of your life.”

Chloe sighs heavily, “thank god. I was really hoping to make it to 9th grade.”

***

Getting into the Hanukkah spirit is hard when all you can think about is how your sex-free sex tape is on the internet, but, thankfully, Evan knew what to do. He emailed Instagram and had them take down the video due to child-pornography laws. Jeremy didn’t even realize he had become apart of the pornography community, but hey, it’s been a crazy year.

Evan smiles and hands the phone back to Jeremy. “There, you are officially PG-13 again.”

Jeremy takes his phone and smiles, then asks, “how did you know to email them?”

“Remember that suicide note that was floating around last year? I was the one who emailed them.” Jeremy nods. He looks down and sees the front screen on his phone. It’s a cute picture of Jeremy curled up under Michael’s arm as they lay on a bed - fully clothed - together. He sighs.

“Guess I should change my screen?”

Evan shrugs, “you could, or you could talk to him.” Jeremy internally shakes his head, then walks out of Evan’s room.

He walks into his room and glances around. Like always, it’s a monstrous mess. Clothes are on the floor, shoes are tied to his chair, sheets of homework and other random stuff is everywhere. You know, the norm. New Years Eve. A time for resolutions. Jeremy walks to his desk and pulls out his headphones and starts playing music. His life is a mess but, he can clean his room.

He starts picking up dirty clothes and putting them in his hamper as his family stands outside his door in shock. “He’s cleaning, it must be really bad,” says Chloe.

They watch him clean for a really long time before Mr.Heere asks his other kids if he could have a moment, then walks into Jeremy’s room. Jeremy stops and pulls out his earbuds. Mr.Heere says, “let’s go for a ride.”

***

5 minutes later they’re at the Corner Cafe. Jeremy is sipping his tea as his dad points at the tiny jukebox. “There it is, right there.” He drops a quarter and pushes a button. It starts playing Livin On A Prayer by Bon Jovi.

Mr.Heere smiles, “you know, your mother and I used to come here all the time when we were dating.”

Jeremy smiles, “really? I didn’t know that.”

Smiling, Mr.Heere says, “she’d play this song, then as soon as it was over she’d play it again.” Jeremy’s never seen his dad so happy when he talks about memories. “You know what else she’d do? Get up and start dancing in the aisles, right where everybody’s eating. I was so embarrassed, but…” Jeremy looks behind him at the aisle. He tries to imagine his mom dancing in them, confident in herself, happy. He turns back to see his dad pulling out his wallet. “You know, I was also of in awe of her, too. I think back and I think, ‘man, I should have been dancing with her.’”

He looks down at a picture that he took out of his wallet and smiles. He hands it to Jeremy and says, “look at this.”

Jeremy looks at it. It’s his mom in a pretty blue dress. She’s in mid-spin, with her hands above her head and her eyes closed. The smile on her face is shining brighter than the sun. He says, “wow, this place has not changed at all.”

He keeps staring at the picture as his dad says, “there’s so much about her that I should have told you guys, but I haven’t because talking about her makes me sad.” Mr.Heere frowns regretfully.

Jeremy shakes his head, “it’s ok.”

“It’s not ok.” Mr.Heere looks down, showing the guilt in his shoulders. “I’ve relied too much on you and Evan, I know I have.” Jeremy smiles at the table as his dad continues. “You’re 16. You don’t have to be an adult yet. That’s why I was so happy when I saw you and Michael-”

Shaking his head, Jeremy says, “I don’t wanna talk about Michael.”

Mr.Heere raises an eyebrow, “Michael who?”

“Really?”

His dad sighs and says, “I don’t know what happened with you two, but I know how you opened up when he was around. Not with us, ‘cause you’ve always been like that with us, but to the world. Seeing you come alive like that, you remind me of her.” He gestures to the picture. “Just don’t hide that part of yourself, ok, buddy?”

Jeremy nods quickly, feeling his lip quiver and trying to not cry as he looks at the picture again. “Dad, I really miss her.” There’s too many cracks in his voice to count, but he doesn’t even notice as his eyes stay glued to the picture.

“I know you do.”

Then out of the corner of Jeremy’s eye he sees the tiny jukebox again and smiles as he asks his dad for a quarter. Mr.Heere gladly flips him one and Jeremy asks as he drops the quarter in, “so, you said that she would always play the song twice?”

Mr.Heere grins, “at least, usually til they’d kick us outta here.”

Jeremy pushes the Livin On A Prayer button, and smiles as the song starts again. “Cool.” 

***

Walking down the hall with Jeremy and Christine, Jenna says, “Well, like, I didn’t hear anything about it, though.” 

Christine shakes her head, “the Debate Team’s New Year’s Eve nitrous oxide scandal knocked it out of top spot.”

Jeremy smiles as he glances back and forth between them. “Ok, so, that’s good news right? I’m officially back to being invisible.” But, is that really a good thing?

As they walk to Jeremy’s locker, they sees a crowd surrounding it. Jeremy scrunches his eyebrows at the laughing students and feels a pit form in his stomach when some of them look at him. He makes his way through the crowd in a not-so-nice manner. He makes it through the crowd and drops his jaw at the source of the crowd.

A picture of Jeremy and Michael making out in the hot tub is taped on, and written underneath it is, ‘it’s always the ones you never expect!!!’ He’s frozen.

Thankfully Christine furiously rips through people and tears it off with mighty swipe. Ooh sounds go through the crowd. Jeremy doesn’t need to look up to know that everyone’s looking at him so he breaks through the crowd again to get away. He walks fast with his eyes on the ground, but is stopped by a familiar voice. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, hey, hey. What’s going on?”

Jeremy looks up to see Michael reaching out to calm Jeremy down but he steps right past him with a sudden rage. He backs away from Michael while saying, “you didn’t even say it wasn’t true? You just let everyone think we had sex in the hot tub when you know we didn’t!” Jeremy yells at a very confused Michael in the crowded hallway with no mercy. “I bet you’re happy the video leaked.”

Jeremy keeps walking as Christine hands him the picture and says, “you gonna do anything about this?”

“Hey everyone, listen up!” Jeremy turns around as Michael yells in the middle of the hallway. “Not that it’s anyone’s business, but nothing happened in the hot tub. So if I hear anybody talking about Jeremy Michael or that video, I’m gonna kick all your asses. You understand?”

Michael starts walking towards Jeremy. Christine slow claps and says, “nice job Mell,” as he passes. 

Jeremy keeps on walking, only slower this time. Once again though, he’s stopped by Michael.

“Woah, woah, woah, woah. Look, I am really sorry about everything. If I knew who did this-”

Cutting him off Jeremy says, “I know who did it. So should you.”

Michael pauses, looking very upset. “Ok, yeah. Let me talk to her, ok?”

Jeremy’s face goes sour, “No. this is a fight I have to handle myself.”

***

Jeremy opens the bathroom door with a confidence that he never has at school. He walks right up to Rich - who’s washing his hands - and says, “I know you posted that video.”

Rich looks him up and down, “um, hi...personal space much? And nope, didn’t do it. And aren’t you not allowed in here?”

Outraged, Jeremy pushes Rich. “I got bathroom rights in the third grade, asshole, so back the hell up.” Rich doesn’t retaliate to that, because they both know that was not cool.

“But just so you know,” Rich starts drying his hands, “if you’re gonna have sex in a public place, you gotta deal with the consequences.”

“We didn’t sex you fucking heathen, dimwhitted, filming heathen!” Jeremy’s surprised by the insults just as much as Rich, but sure as hell doesn’t regret them.

Rich shakes his hands and says, “yeah, like I said, I didn’t do it.” He’s about to walk out when he turns around and says, “but you know what? I’m glad someone did, though. Finally, everyone is gonna see who you really are.”

Flabbergasted, Jeremy asks, “what are you talking about?”

“Michael! He is not as confident as he pretends to be. I am not as tough as I pretend to be.” This conversation has taken an...interesting turn. “And you, Jeremy Michael Heere, you are not as innocent as you pretend to be ‘cause you kissed the boy that I liked!”

Is he serious right now? “Rich you guys are broken up!”

Rich shakes his head, “no, no before. Before we even dated!”

Wait.

What?

 

“Are you talking about Middle school?”

Rich looks very angry, “you knew that I liked him, and you kissed him anyway.”

Is...is this why they stopped being friends?! “It was Spin the Bottle, you psycho, and it was tongueless!”

“Ok, well it wasn’t tongueless to me!” Then Rich storms out of the bathroom. What does that even mean?

He always thought no one was paying attention to what he was doing. That the only drama in his life was in his head, but it turns out that...he wasn’t as invisible as he thought. Huh. Jeremy smiles.

***  
Brooke and Jeremy are sitting in his living room together. Evan left a week ago, so there wouldn’t a chance for an awkward situation. Things aren’t as bad as before, but still awkward. Jeremy tells her, “hey, thank you for coming over.”

She smiles, “yeah, of course.”

Jeremy twists his mouth, then says, “I think I owe you an explanation.” Brooke pulls her knees to her chest and waits for Jeremy to start. The expression on her face is patient and kind, and is causing Jeremy’s worries to disappear. “See… It’s like driving, ok? I can imagine myself doing it and it’s fine, and then I get behind the wheel and completely freeze up.” Jeremy tosses his hands up and drops them. “And then I just don’t know what to do.”

Brooke glances to the left, and slowly states, “ok… I don’t follow.”

He nervously breathes out and pushes his bangs away from his face. “Let me start over.” Jeremy place his hands in his lap and says, “you were the first person I ever really liked. Everyone else, all the other letters were born out of fantasy. But yours was based off of actually knowing you.” Brooke appears to be processing the information he’s throwing at her, but he keeps going. “I didn’t realize how I felt about you until you became Evan’s girlfriend.” Jeremy swallows, “but over time, that feeling just faded away, and I missed my best friend. And it wasn’t love.”

Brooke narrows her eyes, “why didn’t you just tell me that? I feel like I would have understood.”

Shaking his head, Jeremy replies, “well, I couldn’t. I didn’t know until Michael.”

Brooke rolls her eyes, “right, Michael.”

Jeremy suddenly feels bad, like he hurt Brooke feelings by saying that, so he says, “It was real in a different way. And I’m really sorry.”

Brooke shakes her head, “No reason to be sorry, it’s like, I think I know where you’re coming from. It’s kind of how it was with Evan and I.” She stares reminiscently at the couch for a bit before saying, “you know, minus all the fake stuff.”

Jeremy giggles, then asks, “did you stop loving Evan after he broke up with you?”

“No. Not at first.” She rubs her arm, “at some point it changed, though. The longer he was gone, the more I understood why he ended it.” She looks back to Jeremy and asks, “you feel the same way about Michael?”

“I know you don’t like him.” 

Brooke lifts her shoulders up and down as if to say ‘more or less’ and says, “I like how he stood up for you today. I mean, he should have done it a lot sooner, but then again, he’s a jock and they’re slow learners.”

Jeremy rolls his eyes, “you are such a snob!”

Brooke grins, “I know,” she says. She pulls her hair into a messy bun as she asks, “look, if you miss him, why don’t you just tell him?”

“I can’t why.”

“Why’s that?”

Jeremy looks down, and tries to wipe the sweat off his palms. “Because if it wasn’t real, I didn’t lose anyone. But if I say that it was real, and he still doesn’t want me…”

Brooke says, “then at least you’ll know. Jeremy, you gotta tell people how you feel when you feel it. You can’t just sit up in your room writing love letters you’re never gonna send. Michael wouldn’t even be in your life, if they hadn’t gotten out in the first place.”

His voice is hoarse as he says, “yeah, you definitely have a point. I don’t know, I’m just tired of writing love letters. It would be nice to be the one receiving them.”

“Jeremy,” he turns around and sees Chloe holding his now empty green velvet box in her hands, “I have something for you. Don’t kill me.” she hands him the box and he feels that it’s not empty anymore. “It’s just, you were always throwing those away, and I thought they were something you should keep.”

Jeremy opens the box and sees many folded pieces of torn paper. All of them have his name on them and a little heart. It’s the notes Michael wrote for him. Jeremy asks Chloe, “you saved all these?” Chloe answers with a big smile and her nodding head. Jeremy pulls one out and reads it aloud. “Jeremy, everyone was so impressed by your presentation in lit, but especially me. I love having a smarty pants fake boyfriend.”

He places it down and pulls out another, “it’s so cool how we can talk to each other about real stuff.” Jeremy bites his lip to stop himself from smiling. He cares.

He pulls out another one and smiles, “Jeremy Michael, last Friday you finally danced at a party I took you to. Even though it was dark and I was a bit tipsy, I couldn’t take my eyes off of you. You are a truly beautiful person.” Jeremy’s voice breaks on ‘beautiful’ and starts saying in his head don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry.

Brooke smirks, “still think you haven’t gotten a love letter?”

***

Michael’s practice ends in 7 minutes, so if he hurries he can make it there before he leaves. But, he needs to drive there. Jeremy throws on a pink coat and grabs his car keys. Chloe wishes him luck as he quickly walks out the front door. He slides into the front seat and takes a deep breathe as he runs his hands over the wheel.

You can do this.

Jeremy puts the keys in ignition and starts the car.

***

Jeremy pulls into a parking spot (3 parking spots) and checks the time. He’s a minute late, shoot. Jeremy runs to the door and flings it open. He runs down the halls and takes a right, getting confused glances from the basketball guys leaving. Jeremy stops at the gym doors and smiles at Michael carefully wheeling the ball wracks into a closet. He walks to Michael as he closes the door with a confidence, but slowly halts to a stop as Michael turns around and looks at him. He’s a bit sweaty, but probably wiped his face off with a towel. He smiles and says, “hey,” across the court. His voice echos.

Jeremy doesn’t realize he’s in the center circle. He replies, “hi. I have to tell you something.”

Michael slowly walks to him and says, “ok.”

Nodding his head, Jeremy proudly says, “I drove here.”

Michael stops halfway to Jeremy and asks, “really? Wow, that’s...that’s uh...great, congrats.”

A dread fills Jeremy and now he says, “thanks,” and starts walking out the door.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. What’s that in your hand?” Jeremy turns around. Michael is walking towards him again.

Jeremy looks down at the paper in his hand and says, “oh, uh, nothing.”

Michael smiles as he steps into the center circle with Jeremy, “oh, it’s nothing?” He tries to snatch it from Jeremy’s hand, but Jeremy hides it behind himself. Michael’s smile falls and he says, “if you want me to read that, you need to give it to me yourself.”

Jeremy looks down, then says to Michael’s face, “can you turn around? Please?”

Michael smiles and turns around slowly, painfully slowly. When he’s not facing Jeremy anymore, Jeremy opens up the letter and starts reading what he wrote not 5 minutes. “Dear Michael, I need you to know that…” Suddenly this doesn’t feel real. This isn’t something that Jeremy’s gonna be proud of saying later, because he’s just reading off a paper. This needs to be real. He taps Michael on the shoulder and says when he turns around, “I need you to know that I like you, Michael Mell. And not in a fake way.” He swallows and says, “and so I guess that’s all I came here to say.” He starts turning to walk out of the gym, but he’s stopped.

“Hey, hey, hey… Don’t I get to say something?” Jeremy simply stares at him, preparing for the worst.

Michael says, “the reason, that I went to Rich’s room that night, was to tell him that it’s over because… because I’m in love with you Jeremy Michael. Only you.” Jeremy smiles, and feels his heart bloom. Michael loves him. Michael Mell loves Jeremy Heere.

“You’re what?” Michael smiles and is about to lean in when Jeremy stops him, “wait… How do we do this?”

“What do you mean?” 

“Well, what do you put in a contract for a real relationship?”

Michael chuckles as he says, “nothing. You gotta trust.” He steps a little closer and Jeremy smiles at his totally real boyfriend. “You gonna break my heart Heere?” Jeremy whispers no way and leans in at the same time as Michael. They’re making out on the court, the same way they started their fake relationship.

He’d always fantasize about falling in love on a court, but...he just never thought it would be the kind where you play basketball.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading my work! Please leave a comment if you liked it!


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